Kathy Combs
My mind travels back in time to a sunny morning almost 18 years ago when prompted for a moment that changed my life forever. It was a morning which began much like any other. I rolled out of bed prepared to feed the cat, and see to the needs of my mom, whom I had taken care of ever since her kidneys failed over a year before. Five months later came the earth shattering diagnosis that she had multiple myeloma and the disease had spread all over her body. Over the course of the following months, I had become her caretaker and constant companion. She was not only my mom, but my best friend. We did everything together. We always had. I loved her unconditionally and would have done anything for her.
Even though she had a fatal disease, she was always optimistic and her attitude was infectious. She wanted to live more than anything and was determined to beat the odds. She often told me that she had so many things that she still wanted to do that there was no way in hell she would be checking out anytime soon. She had come so close to death and then would make a miraculous recovery. I never imagined life without her. She was only 51. She was to young to die. I believed her. I had no reason to believe she wouldn’t live till a ripe old age. In hindsight, I realize, I was in denial.
After feeding the cat I walked over to where she was sleeping. I spoke to her, but she didn’t respond. Again I called out to her, and touched her face. That is when I knew. Terror filled my heart as the realization dawned that she was gone from me forever. I was all alone! I didn’t know what to do! I ran to the phone and dialed my next door neighbor telling them to come quick. They came, and confirmed my worst fears. She was gone forever and there was nothing I could do to bring her back.
That summer day my life changed forever. I emerged broken and lost. That was the day I was forced to grow up. That was the day that changed the course of my life forever because I was forced to discover what it was like to be truly alone and stand on my own two feet. I was forced to find out who I was to become, where I was meant to be, and what direction my life was meant to take. I had to live for me. From that moment on, I was never the same person again.
The day my mom died, was in essence the day my life began. Never again would I assume that people would live forever just because I wanted them to. I finally learned that death is just another necessary facet of life in which we all must one day face. I learned life is about changes and nothing ever stays the same.
21 comments:
I think what you went through was traumatic...and how would you know what to do...you were so close to her...of course you didn't want to believe she was dying...no one in their right mind would. I'm sorry you had lost her so young. But you know she's looking out for you from the other side :) Cheers, Jenn
Thank you Jenn! I believe you are right. Now my Dad is helping her watch out for me too, so how could I go wrong. Thank you for reading and commenting!!
Kathy
Kathy---I am so sorry for your loss. Even though it has been 18 years, it seems you still have a great sense of loss. What a difficultmemory. Your mother was fortunate to have you as her loving caregiver. Thanks for sharing your story--it was very moving.
Thank you Kay!! I am so happy you enjoyed my post. The day she died was the day I was forced to grow up and learn to stand on my own two feet that is for sure!
Kathy
I am sorry for your loss Kathy. Your blog is so poignant.
You had me at hello. This is wonderfully written. Pain and Joy almost simultaneously. Life does goe on.
you gave me goosebumps. Very well written on something so close to your heart. Thank you.
Divalounger, thank you. I am glad my comment touched you.
Kathy
Laura,
Thank you for reading. Yes, life does go on, although it is a hard lesson to learn without a loved one who played such a key role in life. I couldn't imagine the sun ever shining again, but it did.
Kathy
Glen, wow! You made my day, I don't think I have ever gave anyone goosebumps! I am thrilled you enjoyed my contribution!
Kathy
...heartfelt, especially at that age...and yet eventually we come out the other side even stronger. Thanks for sharing.
Anthony, thank you so much for the comments. I do believe even though I was shattered at the time, I emerged from that experience, stronger and more emotionally prepared for when death visited my life again.
Kathy
I totally understand this, Kathy because I went through it too. My mom died of cancer immediately (a month) after my thirtieth birthday. It was one of the more painful times of my life and yes, it does force you to grow up...
Beautiful blog!
Oh my goodness! I cannot imagine what that's like. I know it will happen someday, but like you, I don't want to think that. Very touching post, Kathy.
--Diana Jillian
This post made me cry. Beautiful post! I was greatly affected by the close call I had a few years ago. The thought of leaving my children filled me with such anguish. I pulled through and I have been changed forever. Everyday is a true gift.
Blessings, Joanne
Awww :(
So sorry about your mother.
I can even begin to describe how I would feel without my mom whom is my everything.
Great write... thanks for sharing!
Marian, I am sorry to hear of your loss. I wasn't prepared when my mother died, and I vowed I would never be so naive about death again. I was more prepared and accepting when my dad died. I miss them both. Although time has helped, at times the pain is almost as unbearable as it was when it first happened. Thank you for reading and commenting!!
Diana, thank you for your kind comments. I am happy you enjoyed my post!
Joanne, a brush with death makes a person really stop and appreciate what one has. Thank you for stopping by to read and comment on my post!
Divalounger, thank you for your kind comments! Glad you enjoyed my post.
Ashley, thank you for your kind comments. All I can say is that death changes everything forever. Nothing is ever the same again. One instant people are here and the next they are gone. It is earth shattering.
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