Patience is not a Virtue Sometimes
By Antonio Maurice Daniels,
University of Wisconsin-Madison
(RBU Join Date: 05/13/2010)
For those who are tremendously compassionate people, there comes a time when we are going to have to be willing to stop being patient with the people we consistently give to but never receive anything in return from. Now, I am not suggesting that when you give to people you are to look for something in return. What I am saying, however, is people should be willing to help you out when you are in a time of need, especially when you have helped them out for numerous years. I see people who never do anything to show their appreciation for the things you have done for them as really poor excuses for human beings. You should be moved at some point to show your appreciation for someone who has done a significant amount for you. My patience with these type of people died on June 21, 2010.
I know you are asking the question: What’s so special about June 21, 2010?
My answer to you is this is the day that I just really got it. It was a day when I was in a true emergency situation and not one of the people who I have helped for many years was willing to extend a helping hand. Am I bitter, angry, and/or frustrated?
No. I have allowed too many people to simply leech off of me for too many years without ever helping me out at all in the uncommon times when I really needed some help. Most of the time the only type of help I needed was a listening ear, but no one would offer me just a few moments of their time to listen to my concerns and problems. What I am glad about, however, is I have learned to be wiser in the way I approach my conception of patience. While I understand that it is fine to be patient with people, I have found out that I can be patient without being stupid. Even as adults, we have to learn how to bury some of the ignorance in our lives.
In learning how to let a harmful form of patience die, I was able to give birth to a novel form of patience. By acknowledging that I have maintained an ignorant form of patience for far too long, I have become a wiser person and have released a significant amount of stress out of my life. Normally, I do not write about things of this nature but felt that it might just help at least one person to overcome a similar situation in his or her life. It is important for us to not let patience die completely in our lives, but what is important is for us to reconceptualize the way in which we envisage it—if patience is having a negative impact in any area of our lives.
I encourage people to not allow unsophisticated thoughts about patience to continue to have a negative impact on your life. If you are holding on to some Utopian idea of patience that is not grounded in truth, then please bury this notion of patience today. You will be able to live a life with much more happiness and liberty when you make the decision to let unhealthy ideas about patience drown in the ocean of ignorance they emerge from. It’s okay to stop giving to people who never give you anything back in return, and you are not wrong for calling out people who never give you anything in return, especially if you have helped them for years.
10 comments:
You have given me something to think about - and that's pretty impressive :-)
It's true. I actually wrote a post about my loss of patience with my father, who never did anything to deserve it, but to whom I extended it anyway. I adopted, after yet another stiflingly painful blow to my psyche emotionally... that I'm done being emotionally available and getting knocked down.
At some point you stop being patient and compassionate and you begin to be a doormat. And doormats beget assholes, to be sure.
:) Congrats to you on shedding your willingness to be a doormat!
Patience is good, but not at the expense of one's own well-being. We have a right to choose the people we want to associate with.
"I have found out that I can be patient without being stupid."
That's a great way to put it--it's one thing to be generous, another to be a sap.
Thanks so much, Glen! That really means so much.
wow I really really needed to read this today!!! Thanks for sharing
Brittney, I'm glad it helped you! Thanks for reading and your response.
LindsayDianne, I, too, am glad that I decided to no longer be a doormat for anyone.
Nothingprofound, I agree with you very much. On that day, I decided that I will no longer associate with any losers. Thanks for reading and your response.
Fallen Monkey, you are right. We have to learn how to be generous but not diminish who we are at the same time. Thanks for reading and your response.
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